On the move.

Scott left home 2 1/2 weeks ago to go to Utah for training. He passed everything with flying colors and is now on the road hauling loads. He has a trainer with him and he'll stay with him for 28 days. I talked to him yesterday and he was loading his personal things on the truck and waiting to hear when they would be leaving. Then a few hours later I got a text from him that said "hi from Wyoming". I got this tingly anxious feeling deep down in my stomach when I read it. Part of the reason for it was because I instantly got worried. That's what I do...I worry. He's going on the road to places he's never even heard of before for a month with a person he knows nothing about. But, then again I got excited for him. I admit I was a little jealous. I secretly wanted to be with him. To be able to see the beautiful places that he will see. I hope he enjoys it. I WILL be taking some trips with him when he's on his own. That will be fun! So, today I'm happy for him. I wonder where he'll be when I talk to him next.

Positive thinking.

I've been working really hard on thinking positive lately. I helps that Scott is a positive thinker. He always makes me see the brighter side of things. I wish I was more like that. We've done a lot of talking lately and I think he's beginning to make a believer out of me. He's really enjoying it and I love that. I want him to be happy.

Things have gotten better at home, I think. It's been nice having Mom come up to help me get Jonah to school in the mornings. I still have to get up at 4am so that I can be ready by 5, drop Sarah off at daycare by 6, and be at work by 7. It's exhausting. This is my long week. So, I've worked all weekend. 12 hours both days. Now, I have to work every day this week. I'm not off again until next Saturday. 7 days straight is tough. By Wednesday I'm forcing myself to get up in the mornings and thinking of reasons to call in to work and then talking myself out of doing it. My new positive attitude tells me that it's not so bad because soon I'll be able to go part time. Just having one less day to have to do this routine will be so much better.

On another subject...I called the YMCA the other day to find out when swim team starts and to let Brian, the instructor, know that Jonah was wanting to be on the team again. He then informs that there will be no swim team this year due to lack of funds for the program. FIGURES! So, I had already told Jonah that he didn't have to play ball this year if he didn't want to as long as did swim. As hard as it was for me to tell him that (because we all know how much I love baseball season) I had to. I knew it would be hard to juggle a hectic baseball schedule with Scott not being here. He's always an assistant coach. He takes Jonah to practice, works with him, is there for EVERY game, and wouldn't miss it for anything. This year would be completely opposite. Scott won't be able to help coach and would miss almost every game. I knew that would be hard on Jonah. He loves having Scott there with him. Ok, so back to the matter at hand. I tell Jonah that there is no swim team this year and he immediately says "Can I play baseball then?" I couldn't tell him no. I had already told him that he had to do something to keep him active and baseball and swim team are his 2 loves. So, with the swim team not being an option he naturally wants to play ball. I told him he could play. The whole time we were talking about it I was thinking about how difficult it's going to be for me to get him to all practices, pick Sarah up from daycare, get baths, cook and eat dinner, do homework, and have everybody in the bed at a descent hour all by myself. It stresses me out thinking about it. But, I will not let my kids be affected by this. I have to show them that we can do it. I will have him at every practice and the only games I will miss will be every other Saturday when I'm working, which hopefully my work schedule won't interfere with my weekends too much longer. My Mom will be here some to help out and my Mother-in law will gladly help me on the Saturdays that I work. So, for the next 6 months I'll be at the ball park almost every day. I'm secretly excited!!!!! I love to watch him play ball!

Finally feeling better.

I guess this title can go for both Sarah and me. Sarah had a good day yesterday. She ate and drank well all day and I think she just generally felt better. But, then I took her back to daycare this morning so she'll probably be sick again tomorrow. I wish I didn't have to send her at all. I know that's where she's picking all this stuff up. No offense to the daycare. Jackie runs a tight ship, but you can't control the parents. There are some who bring their children when they're sick hoping they'll get away with it because they have nowhere else to take them. Well, hopefully Sarah won't catch anything else and she can enjoy being healthy. Poor baby...she's been sick for way too long.

As for me. I have my days where I think I am going to have a nervous breakdown and I want to call Scott and demand that he come home. Then I also have had just a couple of days where I think I'll be ok. That I can handle it. Today is one of those days. I think I'll be ok. I may have figured it all out. Or maybe I haven't, but I am realizing that this job is a necessity. That another household income is a necessity. It makes it easier knowing that I should be able to cut my hours back so I'll be at home more. It would be great if it wasn't for the morning routine. I can't continue to get Jonah up before 5am every morning. I know it will affect his grades because he's so tired. I'm afraid he's sleepy during class and not paying attention. That's my fault. I can't allow it. I have to find a way to make a change. He's a straight A student. Just last week he brought a brochure home that his counselor at school gave him. It said he is in the 99th percentile of his class and was offered a program through Duke University. He can test on an 8th grade level and do work that would challenge his academic skills. I'm all for the challenge, but we can't do this one because it's a little too pricey for us right now. His report card showed a grade of 100 in math. His teacher and principal congratulated him because he was the only one in his class to make that grade. He's just as proud of himself as I am. I'm hoping he'll keep that drive all the way through high school, college, and whatever else he chooses to do.





So today I'm trying to focus on the positives and try to figure out a way to change our morning routine. I'm wanting 2010 to be a much better year than 2009. I'm looking forward to our new adventures and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's Monday already.

Well, I made it through the weekend. It was nice. Not as relaxing as I wanted it to be, but better than what I'm used to. I guess my need to rest is not that important to others. I know they mean well, but come on. I just want some peace. I want to stay in my pj's and lay on the couch at least one whole day this month. That is my goal. I want to be left alone for at least 12 hours. I don't think that's too much to ask is it? I don't want visitors or anyone asking me to do something. Nothing is my favorite word today. I am working to reach the potential of that word. Sad, huh?

On a much lighter note....Scott did really well driving today. He said he did so good that he got to drive on the interstate. I guess that means they trust him enough to put him in a really large truck around innocent drivers. I'm so proud! I must admit that a piece of me wants him to hate it and come home, but the rest of me wants him to do really well and like it. Who wants to do something you hate? Not me! Plus, I'm hoping that the money will be as good as we hope and I can go part time and maybe even quit work all together this year. YAY! Until then I must continue to kill myself on a daily basis. Small price to pay right? I am hoping that he will get to come home for a day or two within the next few weeks. I can't wait. I need his hugs....*sigh*

TGIF!!!!

I'm so glad it's Friday. This has been a tough week. I don't get to be happy about Friday's every week because I work every other weekend. While most people are sleeping in I'm up and at 'em very early. I have been up at 4am everyday this week to accommodate our crazy home life. I'm whooped! I really don't know if I can continue to do this every other week, but I don't know how to change it. If I do change it I don't know if it would be a better change or a worse change. I'm such a creature of habit and terrified to step out of my box of familiarity. But, something's gotta give! I wish Scott was here. He could be helping get the kids off to school and daycare. Also, Sarah's been sick all week, which has made things that much more crazy. He could be helping me in the middle of the night with her. It would take some of the load off of me and maybe allow me to get more sleep. I almost fell asleep driving to work this morning. The lack of sleep has affected my ability to function properly. I've struggled at work to stay focused and I get confused and short tempered easily. I love my husband and I want him to succeed and be able to do what makes him happy, but I'm miserable. I keep hearing "Stick it out. It will get better." and "You'll adjust over time." but I don't know if my body will ever adjust to only 3 days off every other week and getting up at 4 am every day.

Although it's been a bad week I will try to focus on the fact that today is Friday and I don't have to get up tomorrow at 4am because I'm off. I'm hoping that the sandman sprinkles a little extra sleeping dust in the eyes of my children tonight so I might sleep in. If I can sleep until 7 0r 8 I would be utterly thrilled! So, everyone have fun on your dates and at your wild parties or while hanging out with friends. I have a date with my babies and my pillow....ZZZZZZzzzzzzz

Making it!

Yesterday was a hard day. Sarah had a virus so I had to stay home with her. She was just a Momma's girl all day. She started feeling better yesterday afternoon and by last night she was a whole lot better. So, the kids and I had a really good night. We had dinner together at the table and talked and laughed. It would have been much better had Scott been there with us, but I think we needed to have that together time rather than going our separate ways in the house to eat. After dinner Jonah cleaned the kitchen, took out the trash, cleaned his room, laid out his clothes for tomorrow, and took a shower. He is such a little man. He is taking this "man of the house" role very seriously.
Since we had to get up so early this morning I got Jonah in the bed pretty early. Sarah wasn't as easy to get to sleep. So, we settled in to the recliner and watched American Idol that I had DVR'd earlier. It was so peaceful and relaxing. I got a descent nights sleep and feel pretty good today. I'm hoping that this means that it's getting easier. I still miss Scott as much and I don't think that will change. He spoils me and I miss that feeling that he gives me. I know he loves me and we tell each other a hundred times a day. We still do, but through text messages and phone calls. I still wish I could tell him to his face.
Scott's doing great! He made the highest score in the class yesterday and I'm not surprised. He's so smart and can do anything. I have no doubt that he will succeed at this. I'm so proud of him.
Hopefully tonight will be as good as last night. If so, I guess that means that we're making it!

Whew! What a night!

Let me just say that I'm EXHAUSTED! Last night was horrible. Sarah fell asleep sometime between 7:30 and 8pm. So, when I decided to go to bed at 9:30 she woke up. I fought with her most of the night. I finally put her in the bed with me and Jonah. She tossed and turned for hours. Then when my alarm clock went off at 4am she decided to wake up as well. Wide awake. There was no getting her back to sleep. I had to take her to the bathroom with me and sit her in the floor while I took a 5 minute shower with the curtain half closed, freezing, and water going everywhere. She cried the whole time I was in the shower. She got a little happier when I got out. I sat her on the counter, wedged her in the corner where she wouldn't fall, so I could brush my teeth, brush my hair, and put on deodorant and mascara. No beauty queen today! I then had to gather up all my clothes, shoes, jewelry, lotion, basically everything I needed to get ready and took it all to her room so I wouldn't wake Jonah up. I got us both dressed and out the door by 5am. I know I could've woke my Mom up to help, but Sarah probably would've cried anyway. So, I just did it. This is the third night of having no more than 3 hours of sleep. Something's gotta give. I need Scott so bad. Normally on a night like that one of us could tend to her while the other slept. I miss him. Three days down and only about 30 or so to go!

Day two.

Last night was difficult because it was so odd not having him home. I had very little time to get everything ready for today so I felt like a chicken with my head cut off. I hate working weekends. Normally, I would have Scott to do the simple things like tending to Sarah or helping Jonah with his homework or getting Sarah to sleep. I had a moment where I thought I was going to have a small breakdown when I was moving some of his things around. His jacket was still hanging on the chair. His shoes were still in the kitchen where he leaves them for the next day. His hat with his change in it was still on the microwave and his pajamas were still on the bed where he had left them just that morning. It was like he had just gone to work, but will be back soon. And I guess in the grand scheme of things that's really what he's doing. He's just gone to work. It's not like he's left for war. Thank goodness for that. I have much respect for military wives. I'd like to think I'd be strong enough to handle that, but since I'm struggling with a 4-6 week separation I'm not so sure I could. I know it's only temporary and it's the right thing to do. I just wish he was closer to home. He feels so far away. At least Scott is in good spirits. He's always been really good at reassuring me and showing me the positive side of things. I tend to dwell on the negative. That's a bad habit that I am trying my best to break.

So, anyway. About today. I've spoken to him already this morning. It made my morning a little a brighter to get a text from him earlier that I thought I would. He had a good night's sleep and is ready to get this thing started so he can come home. AMEN to that! He is feeling good about this and I've spoken to people in the business and have been told that it will be hard, but if it's only temporary than stick it out because the money's good. Lord knows we need the money. So, we'll just push through this year and hopefully this time next year he'll be on a local route and home EVERY night. I must admit I am a little jealous of the fact that he's going to get to see a lot of beautiful places. I can ride with him, though. Maybe if he has a short run I can hop on up in the truck and spend some extra time with him on the road. It might be pretty neat. We bought him a digital camera to document all the places he gets to go to. So, we'll all get to see where's he been. I'm going to try to have a good outlook on this and be positive, but I'm sure I will have my moments of doubt and worry. But for now....it's all good.

The pictures posted above are of the day he left. The sunrise is over Atlanta and the rest are the mountains of Colorado and Utah (I think). Beautiful!

Day one.

Well, it has begun. Scott has left for Salt City, Utah....ugh. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. Words cannot describe the ache that my heart feels. I never thought I would be this weak without him, but then again I never thought I would EVER be in this position. My question from the very beginning of this adventure has been "How did we get to this point? Why did he have to do something so drastic as driving a truck for a living? Doesn't he understand that I need him at home with us?" I'm still not sure that my questions have been answered. All I know is that SOMETHING had to be done. If driving a truck is the answer....so be it. For now I will just say that I miss him terribly and he's only been gone 5 hours. God give me strength to endure this. God help me be strong for my husband and for my children. God please protect him and bring him back home to us very soon. I love you baby!